Dear Manufacturer

Dear Manufacturer,
Do you have any idea the anxiety that the little stick you supply produces for millions of women? 3 minutes anxiously awaiting . . . Sitting there on the bathroom counter, ever so slowly developing and all the while, thoughts run through the ignorant woman's brain- What if I'm pregnant? Will insurance cover it? I can't be sick for the next 3 months! When would the baby be due? Or- who is the Dad? (Though this thought has never run through my mind personally, I know that more than one woman has thought it.) Or- What if I'm not pregnant? Women cry as they hope and pray that two little lines will appear. So much hangs on those two little lines.

I commend you manufacturer, that your results seem quite accurate. You don't mess with the pregnant woman- making her think she isn't pregnant and then she is. Or visa-versa. Well, you have probably learned by now, that you don't want to mess with a woman who is hormonal like that. I know women get false results all the time, but that is because we are anxious to know when we will start throwing up. That's understandable right?

Manufacturer, thank you for the reassurance that you offer. A woman starts smelling the sink drain from the family room and she can take your pregnancy test and be reassured. She dozes off before Curious George gets himself out of trouble and she turns to you. She feels the urge to really slug her husband, and you have the answer to the question of 'Is it just PMS, or something far greater?'

In conclusion Manufacturer, I am grateful for the product you provide, and I am grateful that this time around, there were two little lines.